JOKES:

 
Ten mile run

The local football team were having a dreadful season. They hadn't won a game for 12 weeks and the manager was at the end of his tether. "Look," suggested a friend one evening, "why don't you take the whole squad out for a ten mile run every day?" 
"What good will that do?" moaned the manager. 
"Well," replied his friend, "today's Sunday. By next Saturday they'll be 60 miles away and you won't have to worry about them."

I could kick myself

Striker: "I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself." 
Manager: "I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss."

Player bonus

Mark Snodden called his Matt Burrows into his office. 
'You've played so well this season,' he said, 'that the committee has decided to give you a special bonus. 
We would like you to accept this cheque for £500.' 
Thank you very much,' said the Burrows. 'That's very kind of you.' 
'And,' continued the manager, 'if you play as well for the rest of the season, the chairman will sign it for you.'

 Couldn't play without me

When I was a young boy, all the other kids insisted that I was in the football team. They said I was vital to the game. 
They couldn't possibly play without me.They needed me. 
I was the only one with a football.

Pools win won't change me

Reporter: 'Tell me, Mr Harris, will your £1,000,000 win on the football pools make any difference to your way of life?' 
Pools winner: 'None at all. I shall carry on exactly as before.' 
Reporter: 'But what about all the begging letters?' 
Pools winner: 'Oh, I'll keep sending them out as usual.'

Dont Be Silly!

The manager of an Irish League club was talking to a dim young player who had applied for a trial with the club.  you kick with both feet?' asked the manager. 'Don't be silly!' said the trialist. 'If I did that, I wouldn't be able to stand up, would I !'

A Dim Coach

The manager and coach of an Irish team were discussing the layers they had on their books and the manager asked, 'How many goals has O'Halloran scored this season?'

'Exactly double what he scored last season,' replied the coach. `Eleven.'